Love not based on outcomes

If you agree with me, then I can love you.

If you do this for me, then I can love you.

If you go to church, then I can love you.

If you call me, then I can love you.

If you include me in your life, then I can love you.

I want to have relationships with my family not based on outcomes.

I’m not loving my children thinking my love will "bring them back" or my love will "fix them", I’m just loving them because they are worthy of love however their life turns out.

It’s their agency and it’s their life.

I just want to be open for my children when they want to talk to me.

I just want to be there for my children when they do include me, and not make it mean anything more about them or less about me when they don't.

I'm not sitting around being the victim in my life and doing nothing until they call, but when they do, I don't roll my eyes, or answer with, "It's about time you called me."

Why show up that way?

I wouldn't want to call my mom either if she answered the phone and laid in with the guilt and shame and all of the questions every time.

I want to answer the call and be there with all the Love.

I want to be grateful I was even thought of to call and grateful my children's lives are full and they have friends, hobbies and interests of their own.

That's how I want to show up.

You know what my children have to do for me?

Nothing!

They don’t have to call me back, remember my birthday, agree with my politics, be there when I’m sad, be a member of my church, do the dishes, come to lunch, clean up their rooms, or love me.

They don’t have to do any of it.

And if they don’t, I don’t get mad at them.

If my son cancels lunch for the third time, I reschedule.

If my son forgets to call for weeks on end, I call or text him. He will answer when he wants to.

If my daughter doesn’t clean up her room, I close the door. (I make requests and have consequences to get this done, but if it doesn't, I still love.)

All my children have to do is be themselves.

I love them no matter what.

For my sake.

And you know what?

When my children do all of those things, what a wondrous treat it all is.