Unconditional Love is for ME
Updated: Jun 19, 2019
I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Many think we should love people unconditionally because that's the nice thing to do, the Christ like thing to do. It's what good people do. There's nothing wrong with this motivation, but it's skewed. We view it as something we are doing for that person because we are supposed to help them feel a certain way but they will only feel love if their thoughts are in that direction.
If I say, I know I should love my child, even if she's talking back to me. I am trying to feel proud of myself for doing what I think good people should do....and that never feels right. Here's what I do know...... My child talking back to me, is all about her and what's going on in her head. It says nothing about me. It's a neutral circumstance and I can make it mean whatever I want. I can love her exactly as she is when she is talking back, and feel all of the love for her in her messiness. I get to feel all of that love, not her----she will only feel love for herself and for me if she wants to choose loving thoughts. Loving her is not just something that good people should do, it's something that "in the know" people can do.
Love is an emotion. It's a vibration you feel in your body and it feels truly amazing. We can't make anyone feel this.
Others only feel love if they are thinking thoughts that produce love for them.
Now when we are feeling love, we show up in a certain way around people- we may serve, listen to, attend and care for more. When someone says they love us, we tend to like how they show up around us.
So when you say there's a person in my life who is really difficult and I'm not sure if I want to love them and your brain is offering I don't want to be warm and loving, I want to be mad about this person. Then you get to feel all the mad the difficult person does not.
Letting go how other people should be and just feeling unconditional love for people in all of their human-ness is truly a gift we give ourselves.
Unconditional love in and of itself is amazing.
Love does not go in the action line. Love is not something we do, love is something we feel. We feel love so we act a certain way. We may show up as our best. Or it might look like....I love you and I can't be around you. ( when daughter is screaming) Or I love you and you need to go to your room.
Or maybe......you just be you. You just be there and I'm going to love you.
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