The Christmas after my momma died I was suffering. I didn’t want Christmas to happen. There were too many reminders and traditions that brought back sweet longing and many tears. It also didn’t help that just a few weeks before this Christmas my second son “came out” as gay and we were in the throws of navigating this news… AND….. I was only going to have 2 of my 5 children at home with me for Christmas so it all felt lonely and I kept thinking, “Why even bother.”
As Christmas day crept closer I felt more Grinchy with every Christmas song that I heard or Santa commercial I viewed on tv. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through this.
Then I had a new THOUGHT!
I came up with an idea.
A brilliant idea.
A wonderful grinchy idea.
The Grinch would steal our Christmas!
On Christmas morn when Laila and Tru burst through the wrapping papered doorway expecting to see stuffed stockings and many presents, what they saw instead was a living room that looked like a crime scene -- couches tipped over, the Christmas tree, stockings and presents were all gone from the room, and just a note pinned to the wall and a few gift bags remained.
Truman and Laila were stunned.
They read the note. A smile crossed their faces, then they quickly got dressed, grabbed the gift bags, got into the car and drove to SLC. Meanwhile, Wayne and I frantically put the tree back up, set up the couches aright and filled the room with stockings, presents and good cheer.
My heart grew three sizes that day.
It was a beautiful, fun, service oriented Christmas all around because I changed my THOUGHTS.
I re-wrote my Christmas script of what Christmas was supposed to look like.
I got out of my own way.
We look back at that Christmas with fondness now. It was totally surprising and out of the ordinary and just what I needed to remind myself of the true spirit of Christmas which is one of loving, giving, sharing, caring and helping each other.
Thoughts are powerful. As I look back at that Christmas I see one of the greatest gifts I gave myself was a new thought.
Don’t get me wrong…. feeling sad when someone we love leaves us is a good and appropriate emotion and I continued to have tears and melancholy for years grieving my amazing momma...but I feel it and recognize these feelings come from my thoughts.